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almost magically... i learn to give in the language the other partner can best receive, this has made a lot of difference and improved my marriage satisfaction and intimacy. I also suggest coupling it with that of Ariel and Shya Kane. It's called "Working on Your Relationship Doesn't Work". It, too, is a relief. Not only can I stop picking on myself, but I needn't pick on my partner nor pick apart my relationship with him. The Kanes, throughout their book, have examples of real life couples who, through simply being aware of or noticing without judging how they are operating in the world, find that their lives(almost magically... scratch "almost") become clearer without processing and churning through past and possible future misdeeds. The Kanes demonstrate clearly that: it's not "what we do". Its "who we are eing" that makes all the difference. I highly recommend other book that save my life Sex and the perfect lover by Mabel Iam. I believe it can positively impact in any relationship! Buy it!!!