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Another man's perspective: Do I get off this easy? I recently ordered this book for my wife's birthday as a way of opening up one more avenue of communication and understanding in our marriage. After reading it myself first, I increasingly felt very hesitant to give it to my wife. Why? Although the book certainly raises important issues that are a great conversational starting point, I can't help but feel that Feldhahn's book is saturated with a particular kind of "submissive wife" ideology common in various evangelical Protestant circles. One of Feldhahn's driving theses is that men are wired a certain way, so the key to a successful marriage is for women to discover the intricacies of that wiring and then adapt themselves accordingly (Feldhahn tells her women readers that these "fascinating new secrets" about men are "supposed to change and improve us [women]" [p.19-20]). Although that might be in fact what men want, I'm unconvinced that is always what we or our marriages need. Following the suggestions in this book might make a happier husband but a more unfulfilled, subservient wife. That's not to say I can't relate to much of what she describes. Her analysis of the inner wiring of men is interesting and accurate for the most part (although certainly some aspects are probably overstated), but it's her prescriptive "solutions" that seem misguided. In my experience, a marriage works best when good communication leads to mutual compromises. To have wives coddle their husbands might produce the desired results in the short term, but I think it is worth thinking about the reciprocal nature of a good marriage for long-term success. Is it too much to ask that husbands should work just as hard to figure out the needs and desires of their wives and adapt themselves as well? I hope not. Unless this is a two-side process, the long term benefits are questionable at best. But again, she does manage to capture many of the core struggles of the average man. No one man (hopefully) embodies all the fears, anxieties, and problems she describes, but it would be a rare man that could identify with none of them. I still plan on giving the book to my wife (with a host of qualifications) because it does in some ways describe my own inner fears, desires, and struggles, but my hesitancy to do so still remains simply because of the implicit, repressive message to women.